Chapter 5 Resources
What to Say When Someone has
Lost a Loved One to Suicide
ADVICE
I personally know too many families who have lost a loved one to suicide over the past five years. People are often at loss as to what to say or do. As a result, many times they don’t say or do anything, which can be devastating and cause the grieving family member to feel isolated, alienated and sometimes even judged.
Granted, there are no words that can adequately console someone whose loved one took their own life. The mixture of intense emotions are swirling back and forth between guilt, remorse, grief, anger and sometimes shock and disbelief. May I offer a suggestion of what to say, which is simply, “I’m so sorry - so very sorry for what you are going through!” Period. Said with heartfelt warmth this simple sentence can acknowledge to the person that you care and provides some comfort in a very difficult time.
Resources
Here is an excerpt from an article (see link below) about how to talk to someone who has lost a loved one to suicide:
Seven things you can say:
- I am so sorry for your loss.
- I know how much you love _____. This must be so hard.
- I want you to feel safe sharing anything with me. Do you want to talk about it?
- It’s okay if you don’t want to talk right now. I am here to listen whenever you are ready.
- Can I make dinner/do laundry/run that errand (specific task) for you?
- I remember that time when…. (Don’t be afraid to talk about the person)
- You can grieve as long and as hard as you need to and I will be here for you.
Things you want to avoid saying:
- Oh no! What happened?
- I know exactly how you feel!
- They’re in a better place now.
Remember, that it’s more important to be a fully present listener than to figure out exactly what to say. https://www.self.com/story/help-friend-suicide-loss-survivor
American Foundation for Suicide Prevention has helpful information on how to support someone who has lost someone to suicide.
https://afsp.org/story/10-ways-to-support-a-loved-one-who-has-lost-someone-to-suicide