Chapter 8 Resources

LIVED TO TELL:

THRIVING AFTER SUICIDE ATTEMPT

Chapter 8 Resources

Toxic Relationships and Mental Illness

ADVICE

Many people who suffer from trauma often have trouble discerning who they can trust and who they can’t trust. This, along with other complex psychological factors, sometimes contributes to trying to make relationships work with people who do not have your best interests at heart, resulting in further trauma.


I have been in several toxic relationships. I wish I had learned years ago how to provide myself with the supportive self-talk needed to deal with these relationships and the ability to follow through on it. I needed to mentally say, “You don’t deserve my energy or my time. I’m taking it back.” I have had to walk away or remove myself, as much as possible, from these relationships in order to succeed. It is hard, yes, but so worth the sense of an intact self and peace of mind!


According to clinical psychologist Gillian Needleman, “A toxic relationship is basically an unhealthy relationship or friendship.” The relationship could be with a friend, family member, or even a partner or ex-partner. “You’re unable to have a meaningful and positive connection with the other person and this often leaves you questioning yourself.”


How you feel before or after spending time with a person is a great way to measure if your relationship with them is healthy or not.


“In a toxic friendship scenario, you might always feel emotionally drained after seeing them; it can be a real energy drain, a feeling of heaviness,” says Ms Needleman. “You might feel a huge sense of obligation or guilt for not seeing them enough. You might be dreading the interaction, knowing that a conversation is all about them, or a stream of criticism lies ahead.”


Ms Needleman says that the impacts of a toxic relationship should not be underestimated. They can affect your sense of self and identity, damage your self-esteem, and even lead to feelings of depression and/or anxiety. “You can be left feeling inadequate, or somehow flawed,” she says. “If an important person in your life is always putting you down, you’re getting direct criticism. In a toxic relationship, it can feel like who you are, or what you do, is never enough.” Lived to Tell 177 To read more about how to remedy a toxic relationship and protect your mental health, please check out the following articles:

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