While I was preparing to speak to a church women’s group, the person who invited me to speak asked if I could also talk about the danger of perfectionism. I thought about this and talked to Lex. I did some research, and then called my friend, Xavier Amador for his input. As I opened myself and listened to what they were telling me, bells started to ring and red flags started to wave. It dawned on me for the first time that my tendency toward perfectionism during my career had helped push me over the edge.

What a surprise! I had never considered myself to be a perfectionist. Not once did I consider myself ever doing anything perfectly well. What a huge eye-opener it was for me to recognize my own tendency toward perfectionism. Not only did I talk about it during my presentation but I shared how toxic this tendency had been for me most of my life.

I began to understand more and more about the relationship of perfectionist thinking and the impact it has on your mental health. I was very grateful to Dr. Xavier Amador for his insights. I would like to share with you what he sent to me about this topic:

“What happens when you’re a perfectionist is that you develop a very narrow beam of attention and a tunnel vision when you’re feeling like you haven’t done a good enough job. When you’re feeling anxious you think the solution is to clean more or to organize more or to do more for your children.”

“You may not realize this but you’re paying a price for that tunnel vision for that pursuit of perfectionism. The price you pay is not being aware of emotions. Add to that the fact that one out of five Americans suffer from serious mental illnesses and you could be blindsided by illnesses like depression anxiety disorders because of this. And the biggest problem with perfectionism is that none of us are perfect; we are always going to fail at being perfect. And that adds an added burden of guilt and sadness and anxiety. So abandon perfectionism and open your mind and heart to the full range of emotions that you’re feeling and you will be better equipped to deal with any mental illness should it come your way.” ~ Dr. Xavier Amador; Professor of Psychiatry and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University and Director of Psychology at the New York State Psychiatric Institute. President and Founder of the Henry Amador / LEAP Foundation

Resources

Perfectionism: Symptoms, Treatment and Prevention 

https://www.healthline.com/health/perfectionism

The Negative Effects of Perfectionism: How Getting Things ‘Just Right’ Can Be So Wrong

https://www.vetxinternational.com/the-negative-effects-of-perfectionism-how-getting-things-just-right-can-be-so-wrong/